I know I shouldn’t care, none of us really should. We can’t help it though, can we? If you’ve heard the name Kim Kardashian, and bother turning on the news or reading the paper, then you know she is getting divorced after a mere seventy-two days of marriage. Now it is by no means the shortest celebrity marriage. Remember Britney Spears and her entertaining, yet terrifying, media-fueled wild days. She married Jason Alexander for a whopping fifty-four hours. Jennifer Lopez had a nine month fling in her trifecta of marriage failures. Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra had ten days of intoxicated marital bliss. Who can forget Nick Cage marrying Lisa Marie Presley for a whole three months, much shorter than her marriage to Michael Jackson. The trials and tribulations of being a celebrity couple, I guess money really can’t buy you love.
Talking about money, the Kardashians have reportedly stated that finances had nothing to do with Kim and Kris Humphries doomed nuptials. Nope, they didn’t make a cent off it. Really? They think we are that stupid. The hype around the wedding, the hype on their reality show, the hype surrounding the broadcast of ‘Kim’s fairytale wedding’ specials has not netted them any profits directly or indirectly? The Kardashians have done much to full me with scorn, but the one thing I have always admired about them is their savvy business sense. They have basically taken nothing except fame itself, and built a media-centric financial empire around it. However, if they didn’t make anything off the ‘wedding’, then I guess I have to rethink this opinion of them.
Soon we will be told to stay out of it, that this whole thing is a personal matter. We will be asked to give the couple and their families space and time to deal with the complex emotions and pressures they are suffering. If aliens from planet Xar-Plart VII landed in the midst of the media storm, they could not help but feel sympathy for the Kardashian and Humphries families. They will wonder what tragedy has befallen these innocent victims, what dastardly calamity has wrought such emotional turmoil in their lives. Good news is they will suspend their invasion plans to turn us into their enslaved workforce once they realise this is all over a ‘sham’ wedding and its unsurprising divorce. You see, even the denizens of Xar-Plart VII don’t want stupid, mentally unhinged slaves. Personally I will not ‘leave them alone’, or ‘give them their space’. You see, I was a guest at the wedding.
Well, not an actual guest. I was invited to watch it on television with millions of others. I didn’t get to enjoy the banquet, toast with expensive champagne, or boogie the night away. I did give them a wedding present though. You see I pay my subscription fee to the cable company, they in turn pay the executives of the show for the rights to screen it. These same executives then pay the Kardashians’ salaries et al. Now the classy thing to do after a seventy-two day marriage is to return the wedding gifts and the engagement ring. Naturally, the Kardashians are doing neither, because this has nothing to do with money. Yeah, right.
