In spite of the civil war in Libya, the massacres in Syria, the Israel-Turkey dispute, the famine in Somalia, and the global economic crises, the breaking news story is that Chaz Bono is to appear on Dancing With the Stars. There are online protests springing up at a steady rate calling for a boycott of the show and ABC. Chat forums are aflame with outrageous indignation that families should be subjected to such a spectacle on what is touted to be a family friendly show. If you had never heard of Chaz Bono before, it would not be surprising if you concluded that this nefarious character must be someone in the same vein as Casey Anthony or Charles Manson. If you have heard of Chaz Bono, then you know he was born Chastity Sun Bono, the daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono in 1969. There’s the rub. He is now the son of Cher, Chaz Bono, after undergoing female to male gender transition. That doesn’t mean he merely started wearing some of his mother’s dresses, but rather involved hormone manipulation, sharp scalpels and apparently a very bad haircut.
Now, Dancing With the Stars has not been without controversies in the past. The most recent include the Bristol Palin affair, where online groups banded together to keep the daughter of Sarah on the show even with her rather lacklustre performances. On the other side of the crazy coin you had her receiving death threats and threats to break her toes because she was the daughter of Sarah. The pregnant man, Thomas Beatie, has lashed out at the show and Chaz for stealing his chance to strut his stuff on the dance floor. Then you have Carson Kressley, an openly gay celebrity-slash-reality television star-slash-fashionista, who execs were considering pairing with a male dancing partner. Carson is probably heaving a giant sigh of relief as Chaz has deflected the hate that could have come his way. These controversies all pale in comparison to the category five hurricane brewing in the Chaz Bono teacup. Why?
Thanks to Americas other reality show, politics, we see it is a rather polarised nation. Apparently on the right you have raving lunatics wishing back the era of the founding fathers, but without the polio and dysentery. On the left you have raving lunatics who think socialism and communism were great ideas, and the former USSR just got it wrong. All right, all right. Ridiculous extremes, but you do have the pro-life groups in direct opposition to those who support the right to choose. You have those that are all for universal healthcare and those that say healthcare is not the government’s responsibility. You have those calling for gay marriage to be legal and recognised, and those that say it degrades the sanctity of the institution. You have democrats and republicans, you have liberals and conservatives, you have lefts and rights, you have the yeas and the nays. The headache in all of this democracy is that the sides seem to be relatively even. Half the country on one side of the fence, and other half glaring at them on the other side. Those brave enough, or cowardly enough, to sit on the aforementioned fence merely shake their heads and stare at the other two camps in bewilderment. Out of all of this democracy, this wonderful democracy that allows for different views and positions, comes the most inalienable right all Americans are free to enjoy. The right to vote off contestants on reality television programs. I’m sure George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson are beaming with pride.
When we look at this polarised America, we can clearly see that the liberal half will applaud Chaz Bono and his courage, and the other half will curse his name and condemn him to the fires of hell. Moreover, we are all going to get to watch it. I predict one of two possible endings to this season of the dancing show. Firstly, Chaz Bono is going to be a fairly good dancer but still get voted off early even though he is better than his competition. A victory for the conservatives who don’t want this kind of filth on television and polluting the minds of their angelic offspring. Secondly, Chaz Bono is a terrible dancer but stays in the competition due to mass votes from pro-Chaz groups ala Bristol Palin. A victory, albeit hollow, for those that want to see America embrace all of her children as equals. A third, a third, I hear you cry. What? You think Chaz Bono is going to display such dazzling foot work that his opponents put aside their animosity and vote for him on merit alone? You think Chaz Bono is going to be so atrocious that even the LGBT community will admit that they can’t vote for that? Nope. Not going to happen. This is not about dancing, although it is about ratings. The vote on this show is going to be about ‘alternative’ lifestyles and their place in America. If America can’t find consensus on abortion, marriage, religion and race through its social and political systems, then I don’t think a dancing show is going help find any agreement on this issue.
Post Scriptum
When I was a kid, and you were a nerd you got the proverbial kicked out of you. Thanks to Bill Gates and the gang, being a nerd is no longer merely associated with being a worthless bookworm, but potentially a success one day. Nobody wants to beat up on a kid that may one day be your employer. When I was kid, and playing Dungeons and Dragons made you a social pariah. Thanks to ‘cool’ stars like Vin Diesel coming out of the D&D closet and the mainstreaming of fantasy, being a dungeon master will no longer mean you are going to burn in the fires of hell. When I was a kid, and you were in the choir you were tormented and taunted. Thanks to Glee you are now cool, talented, accepted and precious. When I was a kid, and you were a male ballroom dancer you got labelled homosexual and belittled. Thanks to Dancing With the Stars you are a talented, artistic athlete. Now, if someone out there in TV land wouldn’t mind undertaking a project that makes beer swilling, red meat-eating, couch potato reclining, trekkie-loving cool, I would really appreciate it. I mean, just like Chaz we all have our own crosses to bear.
